“A shadow comfo…

“A shadow comfort is anything that masquerades as a cherishing self-care technique but that in fact drains your energy and self-trust. Shadow comforts can take any form; it’s not what you do, it’s why you do it that makes the difference and how it makes you feel.

A time monster is anything you choose to do instead of what you really want to do – check email instead of write your novel, organize your art supplies instead of sketch, do the dishes instead of connect with your partner.”

Jennifer Louden

– See more at: http://jenniferlouden.com/sanity-support-kit/#sthash.YcaIdhBm.dpuf

Yellow Chrysanthemums

I bought myself flowers today – for the first time ever.

Sarah Jenks, over at http://sarahjenks.com/, is running her 28-day  ‘Live More, Weigh Less’ challenge, and I signed up.  I won’t repost her wonderful ideas here, except to say that her very first day’s challenge was to purchase flowers for yourself.  Because you’re beautiful, and worth it.

So  I thought about it, and I realized: I’ve bought flowers for my mother, for my mate, even for my daughter’s first grade graduation.  And I’ve received a few bouquets in my time (my husband knows I’d prefer a block of really good cheese, or that electric drill I had my eye on, or the new Lackey e-book…)   But I’ve NEVER bought flowers just for me.

So, just a few days after my 44th birthday, and on the second day of a new semester (teaching ESL in South Korea, in case you haven’t already discovered that about me)  I drove down the block, waved a 10 000 KRW bill (about ten dollars Canadian) at the little old florist, and explained cheerfully that I was buying flowers for me, and no, I didn’t want them arranged or tied up with ribbon and gaudy paper, or a vase.  Just ten bucks worth of flowers, please.

I got a bunch of bright yellow mini-mums and a bundle of leatherleaf fern for that; crisp, simple, and long-lasting.   Then I quite ruthlessly snipped the long stems with their rank green leaves away from the flowers, shortened up the ferns, and used three of my French jampots as vases.  One cheerful arrangement in the kitchen window, with a green moss bunny looking on.  One in the bedroom, beside my Korean wedding ducks in their simple wooden livery.  And one out in the dining nook to light up the supper table.   

I smile, just thinking about the sunny faces of those humble chrysanthemums, and the way they reflected the sunlight this mellow end-of-summer afternoon.  I smile, wondering what other abundances I have to look forward to, what deeper awareness will be asked of me.  I grin at my computer screen, gratitude overflowing.

I’m done with the day, here in South Korea, ready for bed; the morning is just coming for many of you in North America.  It will be a day for flowers.