Monthly Archives: September 2013

Guest Post: A Dream Come True

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As we finish off September, today I’m happy to bring you a guest post by Ana Elisa Miranda, whom I met over at the Amazing Biz and Life Academy hosted by Leonie Dawson. We share a common experience of living abroad, being expatriates, moving between cultures…being, sometimes, a stranger in a strange land.

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Here’s what Ana has to say!

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What is your picture of a dream come true?

Living in America? A perfect trip to romantic Paris?

A perfect white-fenced house with the perfect green lawn for your perfect children to play with their dog?

An adventurous backpacking trip through South America?

Having your own business?

Publishing a best-seller?

Winning the lottery and enjoying all that money can buy?

Does it include you feeling cheerful and fulfilled (maybe even dancing around, singing or talking to cute animals around you) all the time?

I hope it doesn’t, because it is not gonna happen.

Living abroad is harder than we think; even perfect houses get leaks and insect infestations; being a business owner must be exhausting and the road between publishing a book and making to the top of the charts is a long one.

Once I dreamed of being a writer. I thought people would love my work and buy my books. I have published two books so far and fulfilled that yearning of putting my words out there. A few people have read them and told me they loved them, but I’m far from being a best-selling author. I feel happy and proud, though. I have learned a lot and received a lot of love and support.

Once I dreamed of living abroad. I can’t remember exactly why, how or where, since I’ve been living this dream for a few years. I wanted to speak foreign languages, meet interesting people and see amazing places. I have done that and much more. I have travelled around the USA and Europe and the places never cease to amaze me. I have made friends from everywhere and learned so much about their culture. Today, I live in Belgium, something that had never really crossed my mind, but it’s a dream come true. Something that took shape and it’s much better than I could have imagined myself.

Once I dreamed of finding love. I imagined that a bazillion times: how we would meet, what he would look like, how our life together would be. Needless to say, it all turned out to be different and much more wonderful than I could have pictured. He is everything I ever wanted and more: he is real. Our life together is not yet what I dream of, but I have learned to respect time.

Living your dreams involves more living than dreaming most of the times and that’s the hardest and the best part of it all. It requires a lot of believing (especially when things don’t go the way you expected them to), adjusting, adapting, surrendering and persisting.

It teaches us patience and resilience. It shows us that everything happens at the right time and that we’re the most important authors in our own story, but not the only ones.

Nothing is perfect and doesn’t have to be. We must learn to appreciate every step of the journey and know that they’re already chapters of our dream coming true.

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Ana Elisa Miranda is a Brazilian living in Belgium.

Teacher, author, blogger, traveler.

Passionate about living her dreams, traveling the world, learning, sharing and living simply.

You can connect with her on http://www.anaelisamiranda.com/

 

The Green Potion

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A Meditation on Bitten Nails   (journal entry, March 2011)                

There is a little bottle of shining, translucent green fluid, sitting on my nightstand.  It’s small and sparkling, with a slim brush in its lid.  It could be a perfumed enchantment fit to break a princess’ spell, or a poison as bitter and potent as any evil fairy ever sprinkled on an apple.   In fact, it’s neither – or perhaps a bit of both.   It’s anti-nail-biting ‘polish’.

 

I have bitten my nails since I was a child, and have never successfully broken the habit for very long. But the other day that desire was given new urgency by seeing my daughter with her fingers at her mouth, beginning to nibble… and since I believe it’s easier to stop a bad habit before it starts, than try to break it afterwards, I sat down for a talk with her.   We promised each other that we would both try not to bite our nails; she agreed that she didn’t want to begin, and I agreed that I needed to set the example.  So to help us remember, I bought the little bottle of anti-nail-biting polish – actually merely a very bitter fluid that dries swiftly on the tip of the nail and the surrounding skin – and carefully stroked it on all our fingers.

 

It’s a very effective deterrent/reminder…bitter as if it were distilled from rotten grapefruit peels, church coffee, and ancient endive leaves, with a dash of vengeful tears and Mithriditian venom thrown in…and it looks the part, with its transparent bluish-green colour sparkling wickedly in the light.  But it works, and for the last week the Kitkat and I have been keeping our hands away from our mouths, rewarded by seeing our nails beginning to grow.

 

Yesterday, though, we discovered a strange side effect.  I absently licked my lips after a drink of water, and my tongue was immediately attacked by that same bitter taste.  Puzzled, I tried again; yes, the distinctive repellent bite of the fluid, even though I hadn’t put my fingers to my mouth.  Kitkat reported the same thing, upon being asked.    I went and rinsed out my mouth, brushed my teeth and scrubbed my poor tongue, then washed my lips and chin carefully.    Could it be, I theorized, that this bitter substance was so potent that it had been absorbed at the molecular level and then exuded again in my skin?   I tried an experiment to test my theory; I touched my clean tongue to the inside of my wrist.  Now, while I’m sure you don’t usually go around licking yourself like a cat, you can probably make a good guess as to how your own skin might smell and taste – a sort of neutral flavour, perhaps a bit soapy in the morning, or slightly salty later on in the day?   But again I pulled my head back with that same bitter taste in my mouth.  I tried one more test, after rinsing my mouth again – I called K over and kissed the back of her neck.  Yes, again, sourness fairly seeping from her normally sweet skin!

 

It was then that the analogy struck me, powerfully.   My little vial of bright green fluid was very like the way sin works in our lives. Clear, attractive to look at as it sparkled on my nightstand under my reading lamp,  it was nonetheless a bitter ‘poison’.   Though I had barely dipped the tips of my fingers in the substance, it had seeped through my entire body – coming out over my pulse points, lying over my heart, even embittering my lips and my tongue!   Sin works the same way.   We think we can afford some little peccadillos, some minor transgressions, some compromise with our conscience – that we can just ‘dabble our fingertips’ in sin and come away with no more penalty than a handwashing later.  Like Pilate, we call for water and cleanse our hands – but meanwhile the consequences of our decision has travelled through our entire body and life.   The bitterness of sin will exude over our whole being, beating with our pulse, lying on our lips, tainting the relationships we have with others.

 

Now, I’m thankful to my bitter potion; it’s helping me break an old, bad habit, and encouraging my daughter not to begin.  But every time I glance at that sparkling green bottle, I can be reminded not to make even the smallest compromises with sin – not so much as a nails’breadth. 

 

Comparing

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GUEST POST by Laura Miller

I’ve been reading posts, links & blogs

I started comparing.

That’s really good ,
it speaks to me
I’m not sure what the message is but I love the way she says it.
That was powerful
I wish I could write (think) like her
The stuff I post is mostly fluff
Well maybe sometimes not but
anyway it’s just for laughs

I compare –

and am dissatisfied and touchy,

and a bit green

Transparency and authenticity get tossed

Lock up vulnerability – too distressingly painful

The Divine Spirit speaks

Is your name Jane or Lisa, or Dana or Judy?
Have you forgotten your name?
Have you forgotten your life?
Is an orange any less a fruit than an apple ?
Is the hand any more important than the foot?
Have you lived in Jane’s body?
Or walked in her shoes?
Has Dana walked in yours?

But they see things I don’t

They’re transparent and authentic

They’re courageous and bold

It just seems to pour out of them without effort

They sound so sure of themselves

How do you know?
Is that for you to say?
Can you read their minds?
Were you there when I created them ?

* * *  *

You stepped over the threshold and through the open door
Why are you lying on the ground crying?

Because I compared and tripped.

The Pilgrim’s Handbook

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My metaphor for my vocation has been that of a pilgrim’s journey.  Today I was reminded that I need to walk my walk as a guide and fellow pilgrim – just walking.

I can provide water, share my food, point out the beauty spots, help others avoid obstacles, and so on, in my character as guide and healer.  But what I can’t do is push, pull, or pick up and carry other pilgrims.  If they choose to sit down in the mud and sulk, it isn’t my responsibility.  If they start throwing mud, I am allowed to move along.  If they don’t like the taste of the victuals I’ve packed or the road map I’ve sketched for our journey, they can opt out – but I don’t need to accept any of the negativity as personal, and we all carry our own bags.

I’m not Christ, to take up the burdens at the foot of the cross, or to carry others (as in the all-too-well-known ‘Footprints’).  But I can be a guide who knows the path, its way stations, dangers, and spectacular views, and open others’ eyes along the way.

Wanna join me?  You’ll stretch mental muscles, take plenty of soul pictures, and meet other anam cara companions, on this trek…and I promise, the vade mecum is coming!

 

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Thanks to Christine over at Girl On Fire (http://www.girlonfiredance.com/) for the reminder of our role as guides/teachers/mentors/coaches, which inspired this thought today!

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“You should date a girl who reads.
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

― Rosemarie Urquico

“You should dat…

Kipling, Kitkat, and the Covenants

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If you grew up with Rudyard Kipling – even only his Jungle Books – then you will know what it is to have that pulse of his tumpty-ump rhythms in your veins.  Perhaps the hair rose on your neck when you read of the meeting of Kamal and the Colonel’s son (“Kamal has gripped him by the hand and set him upon his feet /“No talk shall be of dogs,” said he, “when wolf and grey wolf meet.”) or you ran with Mowgli, fire in your hands, to scorch the hide of Shere Khan.  Maybe, like my daughter,  you went dancing through swamps with Taffy (the ‘Small-person-without-any-manners-who-ought-to-be-spanked’) or triumphed with the Elephant’s Child, or fell asleep “in the arms of the slow-swinging seas..” with the White Seal.

It probably wasn’t until much later that you discovered his critics; the literary writers and dissectors who brought to your notice Kipling’s flagrant imperialism, his casual racism, his perspective of male privilege.  Remember the disappointment?  Yet still you loved those stories, those chants, the powerful pull of the language.   You found or read excuses for him, defenses against his detractors:  a product of his time, to be taken for what he was, no worse than many other DWM whom we now look back on from our greatly-enlightened perspective…  and his best lines still ring, drumming like racing horses or padding panthers, in our heads, those of us who grew up with him.

The other night at bedtime,  I found myself , vexed, quoting this line from Kipling’s famous ‘Jungle Law’ to my stalling and distracted daughter:

“Now these are the Laws of the Jungle, and many and mighty are they;
But the head and the hoof of the Law and the haunch and the hump is — Obey!”

In an attempt to make myself heard and understood, I wandered into a pedantic monologue on the importance of obedience, how even the animals needed to follow the lines laid out for them, and how order was thus established.   I disregarded the glazed eyes and the fidgeting, bent on getting my point across, and of course, completely failed to connect with her.  I am sorry to say that that I wound up losing my thread, my patience, and my temper, in that order, and basically barked at her to ‘go to bed now’!  I may have added a couple of sharp comments about the state of her room as well.

Sobered, the Kitkat vanished into her room, the door left ajar, the lights turned out.   I sat down at my computer with a huff part annoyance, part resignation – unhappy with her, unhappy with myself, at how I’d handled the whole situation.    After all, the biblical command is that children obey their parents, right?  I wanted her obedience, and I wasn’t getting it.

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Let me pause my story here – I promise, there’s a better ending – and change the topic.  Sort of.

Of late I have begun to think very deeply about the church’s use of the adjective ‘biblical’.  It has been used and abused in multiple places and with multiple meanings that make it almost meaningless by now.

‘Biblical’ has been used to justify slavery, patriarchy, genocide, racism, and inequality.  It has also been used to exemplify wisdom, life coaching, self-fulfilment, peace, and equality.   It precedes and defines such loaded phrases as ‘biblical womanhood’, ‘biblical lifestyle’, and, heaven help us,  ‘biblical theology’.

In a way, the word ‘biblical’ has had its day as an adjective.  It still has a rough and stirring beauty, an Old Testament power and passion, but laden with flaws that come from its time, its historical surroundings, the accretions that have little to do with the actual Bible and more to do with our eisigesis.   Many Christian writers have used ‘biblical’ like a club to compel obedience…rather like Rudyard Kipling’s Laws, memorized and chanted religiously, where hierarchy  is preached in stirring rhythms and the rules of a past time are held up for use today.  I think of another couplet from the Jungle Law:

NOW this is the Law of the Jungle — as old and as true as the sky;
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die.

We see our mother wolves  in the Pack of the church snapped at and snarled into submission in just this Jungle way.   We see the cubs who seek a different way to follow made outcast altogether, exiled from the den.   Even the elders, should they offer a different voice from the Akelas of the Pack,  are not safe from being savaged (I think of the lack of grace offered one of my old and dear professors, who dared to write recently on postmodern sexuality and its evolving values…), perhaps lamed or hamstrung.   The word “Biblical” has become little more than a set of fangs driven by the Jungle Law.

As a result, the Bible itself –  its spiritual guidance, its living, relevant, powerful word, the light it shines – is becoming confused  with the indefinite fog of  ‘Biblical’.  The Word of God is messed about and muddied up with that same Old Law… the same patriarchal and political patterns that Kipling perpetuated, the dogmatic, dour, driven desires of the silver-back law-makers and law-enforcers, providing their savage ‘protection’.    People who claim to be of the Book – fellow Christians, mind you, and the young of our tribe raised in its ways – are struggling more and more with this jungle spirit; in the same way that we still love Kipling’s language, and his ability to stir our blood, but abhor his imperialism, we can find it difficult to leap to the defence of our Book.

For myself – and all of this is only my own rambling wonderment and observation – myself, I should like to set aside that hard-done-by old adjective, ‘biblical’, and begin to use another in its stead.

The word at the core of the Bible, the heart of Christ’s message, the best of all possible news :  gospel.

Can we not move from the desperate, Sadducean protection of temple authority, into the fulfilment of the good news and the great commandment of love?  Why should I try to prune myself into the narrow and sociologically dictated definition of ‘biblical womanhood’ when I can be a richly flowering woman of the gospel, instead?  Why settle for a ‘biblical life’ when we are called to gospel life?

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Remember the story I started at the beginning of this page?  There’s a bit more.  I sat back at my computer, yesterday evening, just beginning to move from my snit into my guilt, wondering how I could’ve handled that better, how to get her to take ownership of the bedtime routines…

There was a muted rustling, and the Kitkat’s bedroom door scraped open a little further.

In a precipitation of long legs and apologetic kisses, she was in my lap, snuggling up and whispering that she loved me, that she couldn’t go to bed without telling me so, that she was sorry about not listening, that I was loved.

The lecture was forgotten, the sharpness released; she was secure enough in her devotion to me and sure enough of my affection for her to be able to just throw herself into my arms. And my arms were there.

Love had trumped legalism;  forgiveness and the grace of Benedict’s reminder that we all must, each of us, always be ready to ‘begin again’, gave us a quiet moment there and allowed us to move into a genuine communing of spirit.  She, ready to hear and understand me – I, listening and seeing her point of view – coming to a satisfactory compromise of ideas.

I tucked her in, properly.  And I sang her – longlegged ten-year-old that she is, waltzing between premature wisdom and infantile rebellion – her favorite bedtime song, the one she asks for when she wants to feel safe and snuggled and loved.   I sang her Kipling’s most loving piece of poetry, ‘The White Seal’s Lullaby’.

Oh! hush thee, my baby,
The night is behind us,
And black are the waters
That sparkled so green.
The moon, o’er the combers,
Looks downward to find us
At rest in the hollows
That rustle between.

Where billow meets billow,
Then soft be thy pillow;
Ah, weary wee flipperling,
Curl at thy ease!
The storm shall not wake thee,
Nor shark overtake thee,
Asleep in the arms
Of the slow-swinging seas.

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In the beginning, before we know better, maybe the voice of God sounds like the voices of our parents. It would be nice if that’s a wide path to follow straight to the truth of Love, instead of a prison to unlock or a fetter to untangle or a dark wood to wander until we find the light. In the beginning, until they know better, I hope the voice of God breathes in my words to them: loved loved loved loved lovedlovedlovedloved thumping out a rhythm of belonging right into the ventricles of the breath.

Sarah Bessey

http://sarahbessey.com/cant-help/

In the beginnin…